Fetish/BDSM 101

It is estimated that 80% of the adult population has either had or continues to have some form of sexual fantasies. As long as these fetishes do not cause other people any harm, why not explore your inner desires? The world of BDSM is filled with interesting people who believe in bringing these kinks to life, and not just in their dreams.

As in any segment of the population, you will meet some great people, some slightly strange but innocuous, and unfortunately some that are best avoided. As you enter the world of BSDM, you will have the opportunities to act out your fantasies with consenting adults that share your kinks and fetishes and will not judge your thoughts or actions, rather they will welcome you to their world.

The BDSM sphere has a plethora of special terminology, slang, and acronyms. Hopefully, this Glossary will assist you as you start on your BDSM adventures.

Firstly BDSM itself! The acronym represents Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. These are sexually charged pursuits that incorporate elements of physical control, exchange of power, and possibly incorporate pain, sexuality, and pleasure.

The primary distinction is D or S, Dominance or Submission. Are you the Dominant partner in an erotically charged power exchange, or the submissive allowing the other to dominate you?

You may already know your Fetish, or maybe you are exploring. A fetish is a way of experiencing sexual/non-sexual pleasure or obsession for an object, a non-sexual body part, or an experience. Probably the most common are foot fetish, leather/latex fetish, diaper lover, age play, etc.

24/7 describes a full-time lifestyle kink where the dynamics of the relationship take place 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

ABDL Adult Baby and Diaper Lover. Whilst separate kinks are often enjoyed at the same time.

Aftercare is an essential element in BDSM and refers to the care and possibly treatment given after the bondage or the play session. Very important for a submissive, especially after enduring physical and/or emotional stress.

Ageplay describes the dynamic in a power exchange where the submissive partner tends to act younger than their age.

Bastinado is the act of flogging or caning the soles of the feet.

Bondage refers to the act of restraining a partner through handcuffs, ropes, specialized equipment, and other devices. Bondage can be non-sexual in creating an exotic scene, especially in Shibari when incorporating suspension.

Bottom is for the person receiving the sensations through play.

CBK is short for Cock and Ball Torture, causing pain and pleasure to the penis and testicles.

Chastity Play is where the partner’s genitals are locked with devices restricting any sexual encounter, asserting dominance, and causing the heightening of anticipation.

Collar/Collaring A collar is generally worn by a person with a submissive nature or if they are owned by a Dominant.

Consent is the permission that is given with a complete understanding of what is being consented to! Consent is an essential part of any BDSM activity.

Contract. Many partners will discuss what will happen in a play and will maybe discuss guidelines on behavior, limits, and eventual punishments. Mostly verbal, an open discussion is often seen as a form of erotic foreplay.

Dom / Domme / Dominant refers to the person in control of a scene, including a submissive partner. Domme is generally used by females, while Dom or Dominant is non-gendered.

DDLG Daddy/Dom or Little Girl (mostly referred to as just Little). Where the submissive play takes on the fantasy roles of parent/child or teacher/student. The Daddy Dom will often act as the role guide and disciplinarian, while the Little may act younger than they are.

Golden Shower is the act of urinating on or being urinated on by the partner.

Good Pain is the consensual pain that a kinkster gains pleasure from. From a light sting from a whip to a full thrashing, people have different pain thresholds for their enjoyment.

Hard Limits refer to the actions that a sub will definitely not agree to. Generally non-negotiable and agreed upon prior to play.

Limits each will have their own likes and dislikes which ‘limit’ the treatment received, however, others may be initially hesitant but possibly open to persuasion.

Masochism/Masochist is the act of receiving pain mostly for sexual gratification.

Master/Slave is the dynamic where the Dominant/Submissive roles are either carried out during play or, in some cases, 24/7.

Munch is a social meeting in a casual (generally public) and non-kinky atmosphere in normal street clothing.

Painslut describes any kinky person who enjoys experiencing pain and extreme pain.

ProDom/ProDomme refers to professional Dominants who charge for their services.

Ponygirl/Ponyboy is a fetish where the submissive is dressed in a pony outfit, generally including a mouthpiece, fake hooves, and an anal plug that looks like a ponytail.

RACK standing for Risk Aware Consensual Kink is a code of conduct for BDSM aficionados. BDSM play between two consensual adults, whilst having pre-defined limits, still carries a risk. All accept that they agree to the activities in which they engage.

SSC Safe, Sane and Consensual should be the preferred code of conduct between both parties. All play activities should be orchestrated to provide enjoyment for both the receiver and the giver within safe and sane guidelines.

Sadism/Sadist describes the act of giving pain in addition to gaining a sense of pleasure, more often sexual.

Safeword, essentially agreed upon before the commencement of any play. Generally using the traffic light signals, ‘Green’ indicates all ok and continue, ‘Orange’ indicates that it’s good but maybe not so strong. ‘Red’ means stop immediately. It is also beneficial to agree on a safe gesture should the sub be gagged or unable to communicate verbally.

Scene generally refers to a period of activity or play. By referring to a scene, both partners can describe their sensations and suggest changes/improvements to future ‘scenes’.

Slave is a sub who relinquishes control of aspects of their life to the Dominant partner, generally their Master or Mistress. Often a 24/7 arrangement that can include both private and public life.

Soft Limits are generally agreed upon for beginners or people nervous about trying. Soft limits are respected during the warm-up period but as the scene progresses and both parties are comfortable, the limits can be raised.

Submissive/Sub is a person that accepts being told want to do, either all the time (24/7) or just for playtime, allowing the Dom to set the scene and actions.

Switch is a kinkster that can play both roles top or bottom or giver/receiver. Some even switch during scenes providing an interesting dynamic power control.

TPE represents Total Power Exchange where the dynamic between a Dominant and a submissive takes full (or nearly full) control of the sub’s life.

Vanilla refers either to a person that is not into BDSM or one’s normal, daily life. BDSM clubs will often host vanilla parties (also called a Munch) in public places for people to get to know each other. Any special dress or play is frowned upon at these events.

The world of BDSM is an exciting one and generally quite private. You can enact your kinks amongst others who understand the dynamics and respect of BDSM. You will meet some amazing people from all walks of life. Enjoy, but always remain careful!