Fake Submissives – the scourge of BDSM

Some hints on how to spot a fake submissive before they can cause long-lasting challenges

Despite press coverage to the contrary, the BDSM community is made up of polite, discrete people with a great deal of respect for others. The enthusiasm from people interested in or trying to get into BDSM is often misguided, regularly placing experienced Doms and Mistresses in challenging positions, as fake or wannabee submissives abuse the etiquette of genuine BDSM. 

Some can be completely innocently totally confused with their elaborate fantasies, but others have a darker agenda to push their own methods to satisfy their delusional concept of BDSM. Some tips and thoughts on how to pick out the fakes and avoid a lot of headaches.

With extensive recourses available through Adult Dating and the internet, the intrigue of BDSM is available to anyone with a smartphone or computer. Fantasies can grow with every website they reach and some may believe that they are (in their minds) ready for everything and when looking for a Dom or Mistress that they have “absolutely no limits”. This is the ultimate ‘Red Flag’ and should be contentiously answered, possibly by “That’s great as I have a dismemberment fetish, how many fingers may I remove?”

Adult Dating and specialized websites enable people to research and enjoy their fantasies online. For some, this may be sufficient, but others can develop a sub-personal in their Alta Ego that becomes a wild addiction to anything and almost everything encompassed in BDSM. They know all the terminology and once contact has been established with a gullible Dom or Mistress online will start ‘Forcing Titles’ foolishly thinking that this is the way to attract their online fantasy, Dom. Most experienced practitioners, whilst initially impressed, will soon see through this charade and recognize a fake sub.

Whilst a majority of wannabee subs will hide behind the anonymity of the internet, some more fanatic souls will brave real-life and attend a munch. They will costume up, wear a collar or even be on their hands and knees trying to make an impression, not realizing that a munch is a vanilla event for like-minded people to gather and just talk. Whilst some deeper discussions may take place and some plays arranged later, the majority of people don’t want an annoying newbie vying for attention in a bar or restaurant. Again, these people are generally fake not adhere to the basic principles and are a touch embarrassing, especially in a public place.

Some fake subs will believe that their kink fantasies will lead to sexual pleasure. By being submissive they can be just that, submissive, and let the Dom or Mistress satisfy their carnal desires. Being a sub in a BDSM relationship can bring so much more, whilst the play may lead to sexual stimulation, the acceptance of role-play leads to that gratification. If I sub starts pushing too early for the satisfaction, they are most probably fake and only looking for their own sexual requirements.

Many Doms and Mistresses may have experienced the ‘overzealous sub’. Having made initial contact online, communications are now generally through an app. Fake subs believe that showering their intended Masters with messages and emojis every few minutes will impress the recipient and make them believe their total sincerity and apparent dedication. Most Mistresses and Doms are busy people, with full vanilla lives to lead and responsibilities like making a living! Insistent and numerous messages are irritating and can also be embarrassing. Fake subs may believe that this is their way to show their subservience but do not appreciate the effect that it can place on the normal life of their Dom.

The majority of people in this lifestyle are normal individuals, and when met in the vanilla world rarely give an indication of their secrets. Some will prefer to wear black but look around you and see how many other people are wearing black. Some subs will wear collars, but again how many other people also, completely innocently also wear versions of collars, not for any significance just as an accessory. Fake Subs are often so wrapped up in their fantasy world that they feel it is necessary to advertise to everyone. Most in this lifestyle are secret people with normal jobs and lives, and don’t necessarily want to be ‘branded’ by meeting an overzealously dressed Sub in public.

The rules of play in BDSM are essential as two consensual adults embark on role-playing. Especially with the first play, an open discussion is required to set initial rules to ensure the safety of both parties. Additionally, the importance of setting a safe word is vitally important. Playing with a new sub should be taken cautiously for the first time and the limits respected, from both sides. A fake sub will generally agree to all terms and will either break off early as they find this is not for them or want to constantly change the rules, wanting more and more. Whilst there is mainly no fixed program as to how the session will evolve, the basic rules are observed. A fake sub typically does not understand or appreciate this.

The challenge is separating Fake Subs and generally confused newbies. No one really wants to show their ignorance, and a sub genuinely wants to please his/her master and not make mistakes. For some becoming a sub can be a pivotal moment in their life, completely changing everything that they have ever been, this is one of the pulls of BDSM as it allows you to become and live your fantasies. However, the first steps can be challenging and often embarrassing. The resulting confusion is frequently bewilderment of ‘what have I got myself into’ or will like this and want more. So the result can be both physical and mental confusion. Fake Subs have regularly read so many stories and watched so much porn that they think that they know everything, but that can quickly change when they are naked and restrained in a dungeon. Whilst the newbie may have asked for an additional safe word (amber)to ask for less punishment, a fake may not know their limits that could cause a challenging situation.

Unfortunately, in all aspects of life, fakes are to be found. There are fake or ‘wannabe’ Doms and Mistresses whose lack of experience can lead to overzealous sadistic behavior to cover this lack of experience. Genuine new submissives want to experiment at least once, maybe they will never repeat, but others will continue to gain experience of the lifestyle. Fake subs are a challenge to all and should be exposed, but possibly this is what they actually want?